The Beauty of Falling Apart: A Different Perspective
“The process of transformation is rarely a perfect, linear path that we walk through. Rather we are often thrown in to a messy process of change, re-organization and temporary chaos and it’s through this chaos that we find ourselves and build a stronger foundation…”
You wake up one day and realize that your life spiral seems out of control, and sometimes you freeze, because you feel helpless, meaningless. You really want to change your current situation but you don't know what to do anymore…You are trying everything, but nothing seems to work. And although you know you have done great stuff in the past, and you have gone through difficult moments, you don't know if you are capable to keep up anymore. Everything seems to fall apart.
When things in our life begin to crumble, it can trigger feelings of anxiety, grief and the desire to cling. We, humans, are uncomfortable with change because it threatens our survival. Our brain naturally sees change as a potential warning sign of danger. However, change, is the rule and not the exception. While unpredictable rides in our lives might shock us, we are also highly complex, thoughtful, resilient, adaptable and capable of surviving. We are taught that we are the masters of our fate, however despite our culture's emphasis on "control and mastery", control is an illusion- things are not going always as expected. The challenge when life falls apart is the hopelessness that consumes us and the expectations society places on us. We are not praised for our weakness, we are praised for our strengths, even though these opposites are complementary, interconnected, and interdependent when it comes to who we are.
Although falling apart is scary, emotional vulnerability is essential in change periods in a person's life. In fact, this may be the most evident sign of imminent transformation. When we understand vulnerability and suffering as an essential part of being human, our behaviors and feelings can be easier to manage. Life changing events, although painful, are critical stages of our growth because, during these events and the pain we are going through, it is usually created this intense need to deeply connect and understand ourselves, to feel fully vital, creative, and spontaneous again, to escape for this painful emotional state. When we feel relatively empty, bored, and unfulﬁlled, it is the moment that we start bringing our attention inwards and learning new ways to fill ourselves up with joy. When we go through a traumatic moment we all “die a bit.” We let go of a part of us that will never come back, that will never be the same again.
Part of being human means leaving states that cause a lot of affliction, to manage emotions, thoughts and behaviors in a different way, to achieve purposes, to see things differently, and to find an improvement after bad circumstances. Given a new more positive dimension to suffering, doesn’t entail invalidating its negative and painful provoking experience. A heartbreaking situation will always be challenging, but, what happens as a result of it depends on the person. It’s in our hands whether we want to stand up again, come back to life once more out of our ashes or to just sit and stay passive. Any time you have the opportunity to exercise those psychological muscles of resilience, determination, will-power, courage, you become stronger and wiser. Handling challenges effectively make us stronger mentally and emotionally. It actually needs admirable ability to strength out of our suffering and to pass through a truly difficult phase.
"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star".